Somewhere between never and daily lies the correct answer to how often should I wash my sheets — and most of us are camped closer to never than we would admit under oath. Here is the honest calendar, plus the microscopic reasons behind it.

Sheets: Weekly-ish

You spend 50+ hours a week exfoliating into your sheets (that is what sleeping is, biologically). Weekly washing keeps the ecosystem yours. Two sets per bed makes it painless: one on, one washing.

Pillowcases: the Face Rule

Your pillowcase touches your face eight hours nightly — it is skincare equipment. Twice weekly for the breakout-prone; the case earns its wash faster than the sheets.

Pillows and Duvets: the Forgotten Tier

Pillows: into the dryer quarterly (low heat, tennis balls), washed twice yearly if washable, replaced when the fold test fails. Duvets: seasonally cleaned, aired monthly. Yes, actually.

The Protector Loophole

Mattress protectors washed monthly quietly protect the one thing you cannot launder. It is the goalkeeper of bed hygiene — unglamorous, essential, chronically forgotten.

Weekly sheets, biweekly pillowcases, quarterly pillow fluffs, seasonal duvet care, monthly protector. Print the calendar, buy the second sheet set, sleep in the good hotel that is now your bed.